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LIFT学习笔记 Week 6 | 当你不知道什么叫被爱

  • 2026-04-27 18:49:36
LIFT学习笔记 Week 6 | 当你不知道什么叫被爱
这周最后一个主题是爱的语言。
说到爱的语言，很多人都听过那个框架：肯定话语、服务行为、礼物、高质量相处、身体接触。不同的人有不同的偏好，当两个人语言不匹配，即便都在付出，也可能感受不到对方的爱。
这是一个有用的工具。但课程里在这之上加了一层，是让我更有触动的部分。

CPTSD幸存者和爱的三个困境

课程里直接提出：我们通常不知道真爱是什么；我们不知道怎样才算感到被爱；我们甚至不知道自己是谁，不知道自己需要什么样的爱。
这不是在说我们没有能力爱人，而是在描述一个更深层的缺失——在我们成长的过程里，爱从来没有以一种稳定、无条件的方式出现，所以我们感知爱的内在系统，从一开始就没有被正确校准过。

被夸奖时的不舒服

课程里对肯定话语做了一个CPTSD视角的补充，我觉得说得很准。
对于很多CPTSD幸存者来说，被夸奖的时候反而会感到不适。那些称赞像是落在了一块不能接受的地方，我们会怀疑它是不是真的，或者等待它背后隐藏的条件。因为在过去的经历里，好话通常不是单纯的好话——它要么是操控的前奏，要么是某次伤害之后的缓冲。
这种警觉是被训练出来的。理解这一点，对自己多一些耐心。

付出，还是用付出换取被接受

课程里还提到，当一个人发现从为他人服务中可以获得价值感，就很容易陷入无限度付出的模式——不顾自己的需求，用服务来换取被留下的理由。这样的关系最后往往变成一种自我消耗，而对方也在不知不觉中变成了一个不需要为自己负责的人。

爱的语言，也可以是操控的工具

这是这周让我思考最久的部分。
课程里说：虐待者也可以很好地使用爱的语言。他们会找到你最渴望的东西，在最关键的时刻给你一点点——够让你留下来，但永远不够让你真正被滋养。
所以爱的语言本身不是答案，真正重要的是底下的动机：这是爱，还是操控？
对于CPTSD幸存者来说，这个问题尤其难以辨认，因为我们太习惯把"偶尔的温柔"当作爱的证明了。
慢慢学着分辨，是漫长的，也是值得的。
LIFT学习笔记系列，每周更新。不做诊断，不是权威，只是一个在路上的人在记录。

📖 合集目录（持续更新）

Week 1｜复杂性创伤：我不是有问题，我只是受了伤

week2 ｜那些“莫名其妙”的自我破坏，其实都是童年的生存智慧

Week 3｜一面镜子：那些我不想承认的自己

Week 4｜CPTSD特性学习的最后一周

Week 5 | 那些我们从小被教着压下去的情绪

Week 6 ｜ 那些我们从来没有好好悲痛过的失去

本文来自网友投稿或网络内容，如有侵犯您的权益请联系我们删除，联系邮箱：wyl860211@qq.com 。

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  137. /yingpanguazai/ssd/ssd1/www/no.67808.cn/vendor/topthink/think-template/src/template/driver/File.php ( 2.41 KB )
  138. /yingpanguazai/ssd/ssd1/www/no.67808.cn/vendor/topthink/think-template/src/template/contract/DriverInterface.php ( 0.86 KB )
  139. /yingpanguazai/ssd/ssd1/www/no.67808.cn/runtime/temp/6df755f970a38e704c5414acbc6e8bcd.php ( 12.06 KB )
  140. /yingpanguazai/ssd/ssd1/www/no.67808.cn/vendor/topthink/think-trace/src/Html.php ( 4.42 KB )
  1. CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.000640s ] mysql:host=127.0.0.1;port=3306;dbname=no_67808;charset=utf8mb4
  2. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `fenlei` [ RunTime:0.000880s ]
  3. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 0 [ RunTime:0.000299s ]
  4. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 63 [ RunTime:0.000285s ]
  5. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.000485s ]
  6. SELECT * FROM `set` [ RunTime:0.000195s ]
  7. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `article` [ RunTime:0.000487s ]
  8. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` = 484297 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000909s ]
  9. UPDATE `article` SET `lasttime` = 1777295983 WHERE `id` = 484297 [ RunTime:0.002448s ]
  10. SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `id` = 65 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000235s ]
  11. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 484297 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000397s ]
  12. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` > 484297 ORDER BY `id` ASC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000399s ]
  13. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 484297 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10 [ RunTime:0.000678s ]
  14. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 484297 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10,10 [ RunTime:0.003637s ]
  15. SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 484297 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 20,10 [ RunTime:0.000913s ]
0.080128s